I'm thoroughly convinced that editors don't help authors.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Gratitude has the power to fill your heart with love and your life with abundance.

But that’s life right? It’s just a shitty hand of cards. But then maybe somebody pulls out an Ace, and somebody else gets a four, or a ten. It’s all in the draw and how you play it.

But no guy was worth being a girl guys cheated with.

Speech ... is an invention of man's to prevent him from thinking.

Monetary policy is not a panacea.

Is Jesus a Saviour who saves you, or is he an assistant who helps you save yourself?

Because if everyone played the ukulele, this world would be a much happier place.

Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtasked.

Being with the Dap-Kings is like being an athlete.

Cinnamon bites and kisses simultaneously.