I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.

You take the words in the sense which is most damaging to the argument.

Your strength lies in knowledge, your power lies in wisdom, your treasure lies in understanding, and your wealth lies in life.

the evil thing is inside, not out.

I am amazed about the greatness of God.

We may not agree with what religions are trying to teach us, but we can admire the institutional way in which they're doing it.

You are probably right when you say that I could get a role in any producer's film if I just asked.

Charge for something and make more than you spend.

While the good news of the gospel may not appeal to everyone, the bad news of the gospel still applies to everyone.

Love means each person is free to follow his or her own heart.

I thought, When a man is properly drunk it is as though he is an a room by himself--there is a physical, impenetrable separation between him and his fellows.