I'm up to my neck in the real world, every day. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

No thief, however skillful, can rob one of knowledge, and that is why knowledge is the best and safest treasure to acquire.

Fear is intense self-awareness.

If the root is holy, the branches shall be holy.

Watch what's going to happen, folks. It's not going to be pretty.This includes her [Hillary Clinton] plan to bring in 620,000 new refugees from Syria and that region over a short period of time.

As a fan, you want to be able to go to a football game, you want to feel secure, you want to be able to just watch the game, root for your team, and that's the way it should be.

You will miss her sometimes. Bear in mind she's trying to kill you. Bear in mind you have a life to live.

I don't like being on television when I'm playing live. I don't even like being on Jools Holland or any of them programs.

Behind every stock is a company. Find out what it's doing.

And we've got to ask ourselves some very serious questions as to whether or not certain religious leaders, in terms of raising money - I hate to bring this up - are pushing hot buttons.

If thou wouldn't conquer thy weakness thou must not gratify it.