I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

What does literature do better than anything else? It provides a detailed representation of the inner experience of being alive in a given time and place.

There are so many people in the world with so little. Who cares why you decide to help?

sometimes we fall because we don't struggle to prevent ourselves from falling

To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I'm not an environmentalist, or a doctor, or a nutritionist.

Enjoying living was learning to get your money's worth and knowing when you had it.

A lot of times, working in stand up, youre by yourself ,and so you just have to rely on yourself only but I like working in an ensemble.

I do think it's probably true to a certain extent that you tend to sing music that fits your voice. If you're Lou Reed, you're unlikely to become a country singer.

Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do.