I'm very bad with music. I don't know any new music. I've listened to the same 10 or 12 albums my whole life.

I was a bartender at a Pizzeria Uno's for nine years. The people I worked with were amazing, but it was quite possibly the most miserable time of my life.

I steal props from SNL a great deal. Almost every sketch Im in, I try to grab something from it, so I have a storage space full of props.

My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it's delicious.

When I was at Upright Citizens Brigade, I would pretend to be a sad, drunk rapper.

In my mind, not in real life. My rap name will be Optimus Rhymes. Or the Notorious B.o.B.

These days with the web, you can burn out a character really quick.

Me, Billy Crystal and John Goodman hang out non-stop, and all we do is silly voices. We hang out in a little closet and do voices together.

If you watched 'Lost,' sometimes the episodes were crazy good and sometimes you're like, "That one was just sorta there."

I'm not very big on politics. I'm a comedian and not that smart. I don't have the mind capacity for it.

I'm very wary with impressions - I don't think I'm very good at impressions, I hate doing them.

Animals never worry about Heaven or Hell. Neither do I. Maybe that's why we get along.

Most days are not overwhelmingly successful in your life. And what really marks whether you're going to be successful is how well you deal with the bad days, not how well you deal with the good ones.

I saw my own blood and I thought, how could I live in a world where this exists- where love can become death?

I have not skillFrom such a sharp and waspish word as "No"To pluck the sting.

On average, Australians watch more than three hours of television a day, compared with 12 minutes a day spent by the average couple talking to each other.

What would I do if I knew I only had six months to live? Type faster.

The shortest definition of religion: interruption.

To me, magic is everywhere.

All natural happiness thus seems infected with a contradiction. The breath of the sepulchre surrounds it.