I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.

I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.

Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.

I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.

Well, I really don't like heights. I don't get on the top deck of a double-decker because that's a bit high for me. I always feel that I'm going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.

I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.

Forgiveness is a selfless gift of love to others.

Wrong decisions make a good stories, lies make a very good stories

Love is a weakness which converts even the strongest minds as its slave and makes them sing its tune.

Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

A lot of people dont think of my work as being all that funny, but I think its hilarious!

In a seriously intended intellectual emancipation a person's mute passions and cravings also hope to find their advantage.

I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.

Every couple weeks I'll listen to Sibelius's Seventh Symphony, just to check in, to see how it's doing. It's doing OK.

When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code.