I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

It is difficult to write a paradiso when all the superficial indications are that you ought to write an apocalypse.

The realms of love and light, anything is possible

I suppose that one’s years spent living do not reflect a measure of our souls or strength of character.

I was too much in solitude, and consequently was obliged to be in continual burning of thought, as an only resource.

Our world loses out when the leadership doesn't reflect the led - when a minority makes decisions for the majority.

Non-proliferation will only work if all states are willing to cooperate, and that will only happen if all feel they are being treated fairly.

You can't run a society or cope with its problems if people are not held accountable for what they do.

Approach the universe with Tao, And evil will have no power. Not that evil is not powerful, But its power will not be used to harm others.

If you read a novel in more than two weeks, you don't read the novel really.