I made more lousy pictures than any actor in history.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

I gave up drinking once -- it was the worst afternoon of my entire life.

(On Bette Davis) Even when I was carrying a gun, she scared the be-jesus out of me.

Ain’t nothing a man can’t do if he believes in himself.

What's at the end of a million dollars? Zero, zero, zero... nothing. A circle with a hole in it.

Rick: Here's looking at you, kid.

Such a lot of guns around town and so few brains!

A hot dog at the game beats roast beef at the Ritz.

All you owe the public is a good performance.

The only reason to make a million dollars in this business is to tell some fat producer to go to hell.

Every moment, with every heartbeat, we change, but still we fear the change.

If you're a good improviser, you improvise well enough that people think that you're doing a sketch.

Our success comes from stability.

The Law may be hard but it's the law.

[The Moon] was a sobering sight, but it didn't have the impact on me, at least, as the view of the Earth did.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

Because hate's just the flip side of love. Like heads and tails on a dime. If you don't know what it feels like to love someone, how would you know what hate is? One can't exist without the other.

Spokes unite in the hub of a wheel.

Of all the black crimes that humanity is committing against the great Creation, vivisection is the blackest.

Airport security exists to guard us against terrorist attacks.