I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil - a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Indifference creates evil. Hatred is evil itself. Indifference is what allows evil to be strong, what gives it power.

Bad's the best of us.

As cheesy and melodramatic as it might sound, love excites me more than anything... in all its forms.

If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.

I don't know where it's come from, but after many years of many different products, I feel like I can speak as an authority on a lot of them.

Better to think of writing, of what one does, as an activity, rather than an identity to keep the calling a verb rather than a noun.

I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved; I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved.

If anybody asks me to do a job, I say, 'Yes.' I've said yes to everything.

Exaggeration, the inseparable companion of greatness.