I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

In me is working a power stronger than every other power. The life that is in me is a thousand times bigger than I am outside.

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

A theory is the more impressive the greater is the simplicity of its premises, the more different are the kinds of things it relates and the more extended the range of its applicability.

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all laws into contempt.

Each time that I think you go, I turn around and you're creeping in.

My first gig was in Philadelphia and I played the drums for my older brothers. That same night, I also played drums for Martha and the Vandellas. Ah, the fond memories of being 14.

The day hunger disappears, the world will see the greatest spiritual explosion humanity has ever seen.

This is what it means to be in the middle of love, I thought. Being in the middle of love is like being in the middle of a war zone.

And when I think about that, I think that if nothing but being married will help a man, he's durn nigh hopeless.