I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

Life is about the adventures you take and the memories you make. So travel often and live life with open eyes and an open heart.

I don't think I blushed once in my entire life before I met you, " I say."There will be a lot of things your body never did before you met me, " he brags unabashedly.

Identity was partly heritage, partly upbringing, but mostly the choices you make in life.”Patricia Briggs.

The secret of life is to be found in life itself, in the full organic, intellectual and spiritual activities of our body.

Human beings are essentially here for two purposes - to learn about and express love, and to create. We learn about love in all our relationships.

The lifeblood of job creation in America is small business, but they can't get access to credit.

I've actually seen a ghost, so I know they're really around.

It didn't happen in the 70s. So I had a whole decade when I was writing these books and maybe there was a little bit here or there but there was no big effort to ban books.

If I can convince people that their idea is great, and know inside that their idea was actually a little my idea, then I feel okay. I don't feel too douchey.

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not yet come; we must live each day as if it were our last so that when God calls us we already, and prepared, to die with a clean heart.