I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Everyone assumes writers spend their time lounging around, writing and occasionally striking a pose whilst having a think.

we are reaching the point, if we have not passed it already, where the largest public housing program in America will be our penitentiary system.

Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a "dynamite" tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.

The two biggest self-deceptions of all are that life has a 'meaning'and each of us is unique.

No clock is more regular than the belly.

I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.

Volleyball is like going to church ... many attend, but few understand.

We need to attend diligently to the state of our soul, and to deal fervently and effectively with God about it.

The universe is in change, life is an opinion.

Every now and then, President Obama sorta drops his veil. He's less coy about his philosophy, he sort of reveals his true governing philosophy, what he really believes.