I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Dare to learn. Dare to think. Dare to be irrational.

The best gift you can give to your kids is a happy marriage.

One day I realized, I am what I'm looking for. The love I've been searching the world for. When I devoutly love myself it's fulfilling, and it attracts others. They fight to love me twice as much.

my own chocolate center has filled up with poison, the roses he gave me all twisted black

The only love affair I have ever had was with music.

Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery and travail.

Remember that no relationship is a total waste of time. You can always learn something about yourself.

The ordinary man puts up a struggle against all that is not himself, whereas it is against himself, in a limited but all-essential field, that the artist has to battle.

Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.

I buy newspapers to make money to buy more newspapers to make more money.