I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.

The wise individual doesn't get too attached to any of life's pleasures, knowing that wonderful science is hard at work proving it's bad for him.

Suffering over things that have happened to us is nothing more than an argument with the past.

Virtue is the strength and power of the daughters of God.

There's no one on the island telling them they're not good enough, so they just go ahead and sing and paint and write.

I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.

Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.

Our little solos are a note in an immense chorus vibrating grandly through the universe, a chorus which accepts and harmonizes the whir of the cricket and the long drum-roll of the stars.

Only Christ can free us from the prison of legalism, and then only if we are willing to be freed.

I think my wife and my kids are incredibly good to allow me to stay in public life given that they have to cop a whole lot of collateral attention that, being human, they'd rather not get.