I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

The feeling of 'turning into your dad' is nothing compared to the realisation that your son is turning into you.

I'm happier. ... I guess I made up my mind to be that way.

Success is almost totally dependent upon drive and persistence. The extra energy required to make another effort or try another approach is the secret of winning.

I was always jealous of my violinist friends and cellist friends who traveled with their instruments.

I know that my only chance at any kind of depth or profundity is to linger within the story, trying to make it distinguish itself.

The grace to be a beginner is always the best prayer for an artist.

In the middle of the night, there is always less hope; in the dawn of the morning, there is always more hope!

All men are naturally included to obscure the morally ambiguous element in their political cause by investing it with religious sanctity.

I am closer and closer to reaching my childhood dream. This is really exciting! I will continue to work hard, to focus on each tournament I play.