I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

The daughter prays

It would be nice if I did have a good relationship with my family, and yes, part of me longs to have a mum and dad who love and accept me for who I am. But if they never do, it's OK.

I like to watch people have fun and then trip them while they're doing so.

Once they were librarians, but that is a subject they will only discuss if heavily intoxicated.

My early films were about self discovery, and films of internal conflict. At that level, they were very personal.

History is a conversation and sometimes a shouting match between present and past, though often the voices we most want to hear are barely audible.

Every novel is an equal collaboration between the writer and the reader and it is the only place in the world where two strangers can meet on terms of absolute intimacy.

Don't talk to me about people who are 'nice' cause I have spent my whole life in ruins because of people who are 'nice'.

Radio is better than writing because they can't lie. Cause sometimes writers be straight lying, bro, and these headlines be making me mad.