I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

I didn't wait for Luck. I tore after it with a truck.

... evil was, perhaps, necessarily always more impressive than good.

But I'm not trying to convince anybody how to vote or how to live. Nobody's ever successfully accused me of being realistic.

There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.

Designedly God covers in dark night the issue of futurity.

The paths of glory at least lead to the Grave, but the paths of duty may not get you Anywhere.

Ahimsa is the highest duty. Even if we cannot practice it in full, we must try to understand its spirit and refrain as far as is humanly possible from violence.

I like records. My favorite is Simon and Garfunkel.

Parents teach in the toughest school in the world - The School for Making People. You are the board of education, the principal, the classroom teacher, and the janitor.