I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.

I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.

And when in doubt, Josh, follow your heart. Words can be false, images and sounds can be manipulated. But this... This is always true.

Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar.

You must never actually cheat the customer, even if you can. You must make her happy and satisfied, so she will come back.

Continuous creation is to be thought of not only as a series of successive acts of creation, but also as the eternal presence of the one creative act.

Growing another life inside of you is one of the strangest, but most amazing feelings anyone can have.

What did you do with the time and talents i gave you? God's question.

My goal, everyone's goal is to get better at what we do.

You would think that Halloweens tomorrow because of their attempt to scare the American public.

God waits to win back his own flowers as gifts from man's hands.

What is the cause of all God's purposes towards us? Himself. There is no other cause.