I never completed high school and I am very rich and very successful.

Don't jack off a cactus, you'll only hurt your hand and the cactus' feelings

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts.

The one thing about Billie is he will snap and rip your head off if you point anything out at all other than how beautiful he is and how nice he looks today.

I wish people would turn off their computers, go outside, talk to people, touch people, lick people, enjoy each other's company and smell each other on the rump

Life is like breakfast: you just mix all ingredients 'cause in your stomach it will all come together.

Punk rock has become another viable art form. It always was. But now it's like everyone's doing it.

I've matured, maybe, but not grown up.

I'm not exactly sure how many kids I have, but yes, I do miss them officially, for the record. In case any of them are listening, I love you.

I'm a drummer. I can count to four and repeat.

I like Fisher Price music, nursery rhymes, and the alphabet song.

There is only one path to Heaven. On Earth we call it Love.

If your theory is found to be against the second law of thermodynamics I give you no hope; there is nothing for it but to collapse in deepest humiliation.

Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.

How can anybody who is the head of a nation afford not to be a prag-matist?

America needs fewer laws, not more prisons.

I never knew I was so stupid or so ugly until there was social media.

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic.

When I was little, I used to work with my dad on the engine of his car. Mostly this was a matter of me handing him wrenches.

I don't mind a little blood on the ice when it's a hockey rink, but I hate seeing blood on the ice when it's from baby seals.

Putin is behaving in a very dangerous way. And Donald Trump sounds as though he would simply sit back and allow that to go on. I worry about where that would end up.