I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

There are two reasons for drinking wine...when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it... prevention is better than cure.

Seamen three! what men be ye? Gotham's three Wise Men we be. Whither in your bowl so free? To rake the moon from out the sea. The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine, And our ballast is old wine.

Clouds on clouds, in volumes driven, curtain round the vault of heaven.

The juice of the grape is the liquid quintessence of concentrated sunbeams.

The waste of plenty is the resource of scarcity.

He kept at true good humor's mark The social flow of pleasure's tide: He never made a brow look dark, Nor caused a tear, but when he died.

Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a muddy horsepond.

The mountain sheep are sweeter, But the valley sheep are fatter. We therefore deemed it meeter To carry off the latter.

Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with his wife is absolved from all duty to his country.

Names are changed more readily than doctrines, and doctrines more readily than ceremonies.

A seminary professor I once knew told his students, “Never preach about hell without tears in your eyes.

All's well that ends well.

The Constitution provides for freedom of religion, not freedom from religion.

Some designers retain a sense of humour about what they do, but others are deathly serious and have no life outside of it; they're lying awake night after night constructing dresses in their heads.

I rely on the promise, God is kind to women, fools, and drunk people.

I've got just 3 words: Ain't I Great?

Gain or loss, what is worse?

each new poem is partly propelled by the formal energies of all the poems that have preceded it in the history of literature.

There is no remembrance which time does not obliterate, nor pain which death does not terminate.

Rest assured that there is nothing which wounds the heart of a noble man more deeply than the thought his honour is assailed.