I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Jiu Jitsu has given me an education in education, which I now see is the most valuable education there is.

An important step in escaping mediocrity is to stop worrying about what other people think of you.

There should not be any sense of hurry or worry about this, just a calm, peaceful sense of reality. Let the Law work though, and express Itself in, the experience.

Girl scouts didn't teach me what to do with emotionally unstable drunk boys.

It is idle to waste time and discuss whether it was within our power and duty to see whether we could prepare a Bill better than the Remedial Bill.

I was wrong. Those days are over and they ought to be over.

Racial inequality is a big problem.

Give me an army saying the Rosary and I will conquer the world.

Maybe come to think about it, that is the sign of an extrovert, in any event I have always from the earliest of ages found it difficult to wander into a restaurant on my own.

Education has to be welcomed as a Spiritual Practice for the establishment of Peace in the individual heart as well as in society including the human commonwealth.