I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

A decision is a responsibility, if you cannot handle responsibility, don't take decisions.

Don’t judge based on what you see, judge based on what you know, because the two are rarely similar.

One of my great laments is that education today seems to have... be less about passion and more about process, more about tactic or technique.

Even if you tried to extinguish your personality, what is left in the story will reflect it, perhaps by its negation. Our lives provide the bricks from which we build these cathedrals.

The cream of enjoyment in this life is always impromptu. The chance walk; the unexpected visit; the unpremeditated journey; the unsought conversation or acquaintance.

When you realize you're essentially you're God, there ain't nothing on earth more powerful than you, you can do anything you want.

I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.

A gentleman has his eyes on all those present; he is tender toward the bashful, gentle toward the distant, and merciful toward the absent.

The physical part of comedy is as hard as a lot of action movies. It scares me, but in a way that I like.

I don't pretend anything anymore. I don't have time, desire or energy to calculate anymore.