I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

If you have life you have money but if you have money you don't have life, for life is like every precious thing you need

The unfolding over time of a great idea is like the growth of a fractal crystal, allowing details and refinements to multiply endlessly — but only in ever-increasing scale.

At night I read and write, and things I have never understood become clear; I reap the harvest of the rest of the year's planting

Fear is one thing that can ruin everything. It's the greatest problem.

Infatuation is the language of a beautiful eye upon a sensitive heart.

I have told many, yet when I go down that last trail, I know there will be a thousand stories hammering at my skull, demanding to be told.

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.

Permanent success cannot be achieved except by incessant intellectual labour, always inspired by the ideal.

Showing strength is different than showing muscle.

About the different levels of skill involved. You have to practice before you become a great masturbator.