I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

It was so much easier to be angry. Being angry made him feel strong, even though-- and this contradiction did nothing to diminish his anger-- he was angry only because his position was so weak.

Every man believes to some extent that the world began when he was born and, at the moment of leaving it, suffers at having to let the Universe remain unfinished.

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

Human history is full of great men, great women, individuals, with the will for power - all of them with governesses like her.

Purity and simplicity are the two wings with which man soars above the earth and all temporary nature.

Everything in the world is gloriously meaningless.

It is only when one is thoroughly true that there can be purity and freedom. Falsehood always punishes itself.

How was I gonna get an education, sitting right back of Bobby Ann Mason?

I love America. I think it's the best country in the world. But I also think we're not tending to our sauce.

Big doors swing on little hinges.