I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

As a teacher, the desire to teach is valuable, but the desire to educate is priceless.

Poetry is a sky dark with a wild-duck migration.

There is absolutely no way for a sitcom to be a challenge to me.

I've built my success on the idea that a win for me involves a win for everyone around me.

Venice is beautiful, but like a Bergman movie is beautiful; you can admire it, but you don't really want to live in it.

We do not see faith, hope, and charity as unattainable ideals, but we use them as stout supports of a nation fighting the fight for freedom in a modern civilization.

If you are an inventor, then you are destined for blood, sweat and tears.

I used my pants to illustrate.

....those who become princes through their skill acquire the pricipality with difficulty, buy they hold onto it with ease.

Gentlemen, include me out.