I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

moral voices can also become sanctimonious bullies.

Do what thy manhood bids thee do.

Bad things happen sometimes.

Annual giving is the custom of making a gift-a-year to an institution in which one has faith.

Marriage can be work, it can be difficult, it can be hard, but I think working through those times makes you stronger as a couple and as a unit.

It's not the innocent young things that need gentle handling--it's the ones that have been frightened and hurt.

Socrates, in Plato, formulates ideas of order: the Iliad, like Shakespeare, knows that a violent disorder is a great order.

Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.

The important thing is not the size of your faith - it is the One behind your faith - God Himself.

Saying the Constitution is a living document is the same as saying we don't have a Constitution.