I never said I was a genius.

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.

Create your own visual style... let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.

Race hate isn't human nature; race hate is the abandonment of human nature.

Popularity should be no scale for the election of politicians. If it would depend on popularity, Donald Duck and The Muppets would take seats in senate.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

The essential is to excite the spectators. If that means playing Hamlet on a flying trapeze or in an aquarium, you do it.

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.

The meaning of life is that it stops.

Conscience is the most sacred of all property in which our contemporary government of criminals aspires to plunder from our compatriots by the means of unconstitutional surveillance.

Too bad one night couldn't turn into forever.

A man's vanity is more fragile that you might think. It's easy for us to mistake shyness for coldness, and silence for indifference.

Any privacy in public is a hard thing to negotiate.

I like to work half a day. I don't care of it's the first twelve hours or the second twelve hurs. I just put in my half every day. It keeps me out of trouble.

If you're cooking food, you don't have to count calories.

I think a lot of people haven't even seen my videos but just hearing my name are like "Oh, that's that dumb Internet thing." And I'm definitely trying to shake that a little bit.

William Tell could take an apple off your head, [Phil] Taylor could take out a processed pea.

Modesty is policy, no less than virtue.