I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

Health is the greatest strength.

Snobs talk as if they had begotten their ancestors.

Think of me as a fellow patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a little earlier could give some advice.

William Packard surely must be one of the great editors of our time.

I have no religion, but if I were to choose one, it would be that of Shariati's.

Travel is intensified living … and one of the last great sources of legal adventure.

People can be ignorant and still have loving, human qualities.

I only shampoo [my hair] once a month.

I write most of my songs when I'm in a bad mood.

When you play so many outcasts and derelicts, or even a murderer, you need to play someone healthy.