I never thought I was a bad person. I just thought I was the one good person living in a world of bad people.

There are three things in this world that will survive a nuclear explosion: Twinkies, cockroaches and Dean Ambroses.

I am actually as good as everybody else pretends to be. It's scary.

I've got ice water running through my veins, I'm cool.

I am an unstoppable killing machine. I am the greatest champion that ever walked the face of this planet.

There's no, 'Oh my God, somebody else is gonna come back and take my spot.' I wanna have a spot that's my spot, that nobody can take away, because nobody else is me.

I like to go to bars and bang really ugly girls, I just like to, I'm just a sick guy.

I spent two months in a jail once. In a Mexican border town.

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

If a man could make the earth heaven to get you, could also make it hell for you if he couldn't get you.

The tragic irony in all of this is that when we focus so strongly on our need to get better, we actually get worse.

It's easy to dream about it ... Much harder to execute it ....Work!

I kill kings and presidents first, and next all capitalists.

I want to win a gold medal in London.

There's no right time to have kids and no perfect formula. The good news is there isn't a wrong way, either.

No man is so dangerous as the man who cannot decide what he fears.

We should do by our cunning as we do by our courage--always have it ready to defend ourselves, never to offend others.

My sister gave me a big bucket of Cool Whip. Isn't that awesome? For two weeks I basically watched Emergency! and ate cool whip with a spoon.