I never told the truth so i can never tell a lie.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people.

You make obstacle courses and hurricanes, I make T-shirt slogans.

Four sweet lips, two pure souls, and one undying affection, - these are love's pretty ingredients for a kiss.

I usually hate going around and doing press. It sort of stresses me out.

The Japanese have a word for it. It's Judo - the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of Judo is, "Yes dear".

He, who praises you for what you have not, wishes to take from you what you have.

I'm used to being the big tough guy, the bodyguard type.

Success is on the far side of failure.

I am not a morning person, but I always work out - always.

Power is not happiness.