I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

The triumph of persuasion over force is the sign of a civilized society.

I believe in working harder and putting in the time - being completely obsessed. And, yeah, I think that's life.

Do not let any sweet-talking woman beguile your good sense with the fascinations of her shape. It's your barn she's after.

Do not let yourself be contaminated by others' ideas of what is best for you. Cast aside the shackles of destructive thinking.

The masses, in their capacity as consumers, ultimately determine everybody's revenues and wealth.

Relax...90% of haters are begging for love. 10% just want a little attention

We have a generation of people who think they can stand before the judgment seat of God despite their sins.

I am fundraising gold. Democrat donors hate me so much, they hear my name and they run to their checkbooks.

If people talk about you behind your back, that would mean you are in front, so stay ahead.

He who cultivates that quiet, unobtrusive ecstasy of inner joyousness can scale any heights and be a leader in his field, no matter what that field is.