I often plagiarize from myself. I like to think of this as ecological journalism: I recycle.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

Hey, pretty book, why don’t you lie in my lap awhile?

God has given all of us both the mind and the heart. And He fully expects us to use them

We can never intimidate and discourage the people who voice their words with courage. The essence of freedom rests precisely here - in the freedom of expression of the people. And we must protect it.

There have always been poets who performed. Blake sang his Songs of Innocence and Experience to parties of friends.

I have so many people who still talk to me about The Long Kiss Goodnight, about that being one of their favorite movies, and it really was a fun movie.

But-! I say! The common conventions of humanity-' 'Are all very well for common people.

I want to be one of the artists in the cathedral on the great plain. I want to make a dragon's head, an angel, a devil - or perhaps a saint - out of stone.

Portability should be the default.

For many, immaturity is an ideal, not a defect.

Remember, children. For every exit, there is also an entrance. ~ Milligan, The Mysterious Benedict Society