I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Your enemies could dig a grave for your destiny, but only you could through it in it.

Heartache, to her, coursed through everything--which was as it should be, since people needed it to make them kind.pg. 4

The art of pleasing is the art of deception.

You ask me what life is. That's like asking what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot, and there's nothing more to know.

New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.

A woman friend! He that believes that weakness, Steers in a stormy night without a compass.

When you are writing literary writing, you are communicating something subtextual with emotions and poetry. The prose has to have a voice; it's not just typing. It takes a while to get that voice.

Success is not a random act. It arises out of a predictable and powerful set of circumstances and opportunities.

Tomorrow or the next life - which comes first, we never know.

The country's honor must be upheld at home and abroad.