I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

You can never lose anything. You only gain the moment of beauty like a bud transforms into a flower.

I hate using the word coagulant.

I mean you can learn how to build a bullet or build a gun or build a bomb on the Internet.

It's the nature of hearts to break. It's in their job description. When a heart is doing what it's supposed to be doing, it holds nothing back. And sometimes it gets broken.

Succotash my cocker spaniel, you fudging crevasse-hole dipshiitake!

Food is "everyday"-it has to be, or we would not survive for long. But food is never just something to eat. It is something to find or hunt or cultivate first of all.

When I look back I can't believe I was so stupid as to direct Dealer's Choice.

I told you once that [our marriage] was like an adolescent's dream of what marriage should be like. That hasn't changed.

The truth is - most things are probably gonna fail. But my failures bring me to the next thing. So in that regard, nothing's a failure, it's a continuation.

Every great idea emerges out of a process of trial-and-error experimentation.