I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Songs are as sad as the listener.

Action isn’t my forte. I’m an expert on contemplation and mild regret.

Many of your relationship problems are not really relationship problems. They're personal problems that spill over into relationships.

Men take only their needs into consideration - never their abilities.

My friends are me and in essence better than me, they help me be better even when they don't know it.

I come from a family of very strong women, women who have endured very tough lives in hopes of a better one for their children.

I'm not religious in any formal sense, not in any God sense.

While he lives, he must think; while he thinks, he must dream.

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time.

It's not selfish to give TO yourself as much as you give OF yourself