I pay what I have to and not a penny more.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

You are in training, and therefore your personal taste and opinions are not to be trusted until they are fully and reliably shaped - by me.

I can’t seem to shake this perpetual awareness of being Molly.

Theo looked at me with his smoldering Jesus eyes, and the Catholic schoolgirl in me crossed her legs.

Stories come to me in mysterious ways, more like dreams than reasoned creations.

Ice skating is very difficult. It takes a lot of discipline and a lot of hard work. It's fun, but you are there on the ice every morning freezing and trying to do these moves and these tricks.

I prefer to imagine that my wife, a few friends, and occasionally my mom are the only ones who read what I do, though I realize that this is somewhat unrealistic.

I don't want to get involved in Australian politics. You are a democracy, and Australian people should decide who they will vote for and I'm not mingling or interfering in that all.

For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible - and no one can now doubt the word of America.

If there is one venue where Pakistan can beat Australia, then Adelaide is that ground

It is my job to make sure that these kids who are talented get every chance they can and not to be passed over; this is life or death for them.