I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Marriage is a shared sacred life.

Music is the emotions that words can not express.

The true end of Art is not to imitate a fixed material condition, but to represent a living motion.

The gods are blind. And men see only what they wish" - Tyrion Lannister

A single seed of fact will produce in a season or two a harvest of calumnies; but sensible men will pay no attention to them.

There is a rule in sailing where the more maneuverable ship should give way to the less maneuverable craft. I think this is sometimes a good rule to follow in human relationships as well.

Miscommunication leads to complication.

Laws are the DNA of government. They must evolve with time.

I like to work as little as possible to make the most money possible.

I feel like everything I make is personal to me.