I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

YOU might be limited by a life situation, but GOD is never hampered. Praise Him!

It may well be on such a night of clouds and cruel colors that there is brought forth upon the earth such a portent as a respectable poet. You say you are a poet of law

I would like Epicurus and Buddha to become one.

You do get scrutinized in the digital age. You know they're zooming in on every pore, which you've got to forget about.

Every man deserves to be judged in the context of his times.

I did realize more than ever, after the stabbing, that tennis is a business - a tough business.

The beginning of every government starts with the education of our youth.

One thing you may be sure of, I was not a party to covering up anything.

I pretty much only wear high heels.

My love is strengthen'd, though more weak in seeming; I love not less, though less the show appear: That love is merchandised whose rich esteeming The owner's tongue doth publish every where.