I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appeareth for a little time and then vanisheth away.

I look for characters that interest me, and a story that keeps me involved and makes me want to know what happens next.

To be a true artist you have to play the way you feel not the way others think you should feel.

To live is to feel oneself lost.

Quaternions came from Hamilton after his really good work had been done, and though beautifully ingenious, have been an unmixed evil to those who have touched them in any way.

I am trying to be in that alchemical soup of human transformation. I am trying to process, reconcile, forgive, let go, and grieve, when necessary.

Loneliness is caused by an alienation from life. It is a loneliness from your real self.

Throughout the whole vegetable, sensible, and rational world, whatever makes progress towards maturity, as soon as it has passed that point, begins to verge towards decay.

The best stories are often true...The narrative of human life is most beautiful when told truthfully and without boundaries.