I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Never lose hope, for all the interweaved strings will soon straighten out.

Cried myself to sleep-woke up crying…

Humanity lived many years and ruled the earth, sometimes wisely, sometimes well, but mostly neither.

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.

It was [meeting with Nicolas Sarkozy] like looking at my mirror image.

The center of our economic revival we'll be fixing our really horrendous, one-way street, horrible trade deals.

I'm not a fan of capris. They actually shorten my legs.

Everything I needed to know I learned in Iowa... I know what it means to be from Iowa - what we value and what's important... I grew up here in Iowa.

A relationship becomes easier when you realize that you don't have to be the one at fault to be the one who's sorry.

It's strange, because it seems that society is kind of promoting or nurturing this kind of ostracized existence. People are kind of very much in their own little worlds.