I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

God is never far from His people, even when they are far from Him.

If any difference should be made by law between husband and wife, reason, justice and humanity, if their voices were heard, would dictate that it should be in her favor.

The aim is to get as much going out the back as is coming in. You've got to do that because for everything you get in you've got to give something out.

If you think you've already made it, that's when you can fall short and go backwards. I'm constantly pushing forward and chasing the element of perfection.

I feel I'm entitled to my opinion, right or wrong.

A good name will wear out; a bad one may be turned; a nickname lasts forever.

Between the shores of the oceans and the summit of the highest mountain is a secret route that you must absolutely take before being one with the sons of the Earth.

Six Characters in Search of an Author.

It is necessary to be strong, in order to become great: that is our duty. Life is a struggle, which we cannot avoid. We must triumph!

The chief cause of human errors is to be found in the prejudices picked up in childhood.