I prefer being totally sober myself.

I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.

You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

The very first few days when you actually start having symptoms of falling for someone special, are the days of heavenly bliss and unreasonable madness.

... But my voice is too soft. The wind picks up my words and swallows them whole.

You are mine, and I am thine, and no power on earth shall make it otherwise.

Success requires first expending ten units of effort to produce one unit of results. Your momentum will then produce ten units of results with each unit of effort.

True gladness doth not always speak; joy, bred and born but in the tongue, is weak.

I love Latin women, yet for some reason I always wind up with blondes.

Now whatever you think of the liberal agenda on its merits, until very recently nobody thought the Constitution meant what liberals now say it means.

Patience is more than a virtue for long lines and slow waiters. Patience is the red carpet upon which God's grace approaches us.

When I got older I decided I wanted to be a real writer. I tried to write about real things. I wanted to describe the world, because to live in an undescribed world was too lonely.

One of the quainter quirks of life is that we shall never know who dies on the dame day as we do ourselves.