I prefer musicals, because I am the best dancer who ever lived. The best plies, the best sashays, and by far the best-smelling Capezios.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

I’m only human, she told herself. There’s not enough room in my heart for everyone.

Scientific accuracy confirms the Bible is the Word of God.

But if you don't enjoy doing something, you'll be miserable no matter how much money you make.

My daughter, I can't give up because she's watching and she's here and she's waiting for me to be an example. So, between her, myself, and my will, and me pushing myself, that's my inspiration.

I need to go play football. I don't care about anything else.

The neighbors were more than neighbors [on Cuba]. They were like part of the family.

Exclusively oral cultures are unencumbered by dead knowledge, dead facts. Libraries, on the other hand, are full of them.

The Bible says that governments can do things that I'm not supposed to do as an individual. God has not put the law in my hands. He's put the law in the government's hands.

Sit!' -Kagome (to InuYasha and he falls.)

The curse of fatherhood is distance, and the good fathers spend their lives trying to overcome it.