I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Don’t you dare focus your energy on the 99 reasons something can’t be done. Focus on the one thing you can do and the 99 won’t matter.

If our petitions are in accordance with His will and if we seek His glory in the asking the answers will come in ways that will astonish us and fill our hearts with songs of thanksgiving.

Wine lets no lover unrewarded go.

Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

I certainly had no idea how little faith Christians have in their own faith till I saw how ill their courage and temper can stand any attack on it.

I feel young at heart, and I feel, like, you know, 40.

Activists measure progress against the standard of perfection, or at least the most perfect possible choice. Historians gauge progress against what came before it.

Undoubtedly, philosophers are in the right when they tell us that nothing is great or little otherwise than by comparison.

If there's another thing that sportswriting teaches you, it is that there are no transcendent themes in life. In all cases things are here and they're over, and that has to be enough.

I relax completely when I'm at rest. I don't think of numbers; I don't think of work.