I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

An uneducated heart competes, a half educated heart cooperates but enlightened heart serves

I need you both to trust me, " Vincent said. "I don't mean that I would like you to trust me. I mean that I need you to trust me.

Is the prison that Mr. Scoundrel lives in at the end of his career a more uncomfortable place than the workhouse that Mr. Honesty lives in at the end of his career?

The mind of man can only teach what he has learned from others. It is how you use that knowledge that will decide who you are.

Personal development is your springboard to personal excellence. Ongoing, continuous, non-stop personal development literally assures you that there is no limit to what you can accomplish.

Courage is the best slayer - courage which attacketh, for in every attack there is the sound of triumph.

Allow the Taliban to open offices in Pakistan

The Asia-Pacific Partnership is a climate suicide pact. It is playing Russian roulette with six bullets in your gun.

My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.

I think life is about falling in love with the right person, shopping, eating our favorite desserts and traveling a lot.