I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

As an artist, if your work doesn't inflame at least part of the audience, then you might as well call it quits and sell insurance... The world needs more boundary pushers, not more boundary creators.

Beauty is not everything!

If we give up freedom for security, we are in danger of losing both.

Even at the End of Days, there will be lap dancing.

What by a straight path cannot be reached by crooked ways is never won.

Everything that happened to me happened by mistake. I don't believe in fate. It's luck, timing and accident.

I don't really think it matters if you go into stage or TV as long as you do a bit of character work, really.

You've come to know the fortunate and the inauspicious stars, but you don't know whether you yourself are fortunate or lucky.

A proud man never shows his pride so much as when he is civil.

[E]xcess in the practice of virtue is no less imperfect than the lack of it.