I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

Poets write beautiful words to describe savagery-wrapped civilization nowadays.

Take it from me, an authority on expertise: You can't trust experts.

Sometimes I get tired of pins and needlesFacades are fire on the skinAnd I'm growing find of broken people As I see that I'm one of them

I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in North Korea. And I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do with Iran. You know why? Because they shouldn't know.

I have no clue who that old Jim was. God has certainly transformed me into a different Jim.

The problem with meditating is I generally go to sleep, and that's because I'm doing it wrong.

I will never hurt you. I will always help you. If you are hungry Ill give you my food. If you are frightened I am your friend. I love you now. And love does not end.

I won’t die like this again. (Zarek) Backbone. How I love it. But not as much as I love sucking the marrow from it. (Thanatos)

Dreams are things that could potentially be treating you as a pupil to teach you things so when you wake up, you'll be able to handle certain elements from those dreams in a better way.

Isolation means a lack of growth. I grew up in China at a time when the country was completely isolated. That era is over.