I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.

What a tiresome place America would be if freedom meant we all had to think alike or be the same color or wear the same gray flannel suit! That road leads to the conformity of the graveyard!

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

Life is a short walk. There is so little time and so much living to achieve.

My fight is not for racial sameness but for racial equality and against racial prejudice and discrimination.

In order to achieve massive success, you must learn to drastically decrease your talking, and continuously increase your actions.

A seed rises from dirt to prove to the world that its greatness lies not on what the world thinks of it, but from within.

True love takes time to find, but once it's found, the rest is eternal.

The important thing is Burma needs to end the civil war and for this to happen both sides must want to end the war.

Memory demands an image.

Love me, that's all I ask of you...

Take it from a director: if you get an actor that Sandy Meisner has trained, you've been blessed.

Elegance is not catching somebody's eyes, it's staying in somebody's memory

How can there be pride in a contrite heart? Humility is the earliest fruit of religion.

I don't travel so much now, I get tired