I realized two things from an early age - I was insane and had some kind of comedic thing going on. My brain was wired to think about things in terms of how funny they were.

Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it.

If you feel like a weirdo, it's okay because weirdos rule the world.

I'm too awkward to date, I think. I'm kind of all or nothing, you know? Either put a baby inside of me or leave me alone.

It's weird, huh? It's like the minute you kinda give up control you just know what to do without doing anything.

I'm like that person who hates going to magic shows - and I love magic, I love wizards - but going to a show where there is any possibility of audience participation is a nightmare for me.

I always want to keep growing and keep surprising people, and showing them different parts of me.

I think being on a TV show is amazing but also, people get kind of used to seeing you a certain way and so it becomes a challenge to break free from that in a way.

I don't let myself 'surf' on the Web, or I would probably drown.

I've had experiences in my life where I've met certain people that have opened up something in me and given me hope and a new outlook on life.

My grandfather came over from Puerto Rico and raised his kids speaking English so that it would be easier for them to assimilate.

You multiply your life when you invest it

Aging is a chance to make what was good, great, and what was never so good, better...

Greed has no boundaries

There are some women out there who are just going to look better with a mustache: that's statistics.

Law and its instrument, government, are necessary to the peace and safety of all of us, but all of us, unless we live the lives of mud turtles, frequently find them arrayed against us.

Is it possible to become friends with a butterfly?

I don't just pray for God to open doors, I also pray for God to close doors.

I like to think I am well-mannered. If I have the option at a breakfast place, I'll go with the grits. That's how Southern I am.

When it comes to deciding between your love and your truth, truth has to be the decisive factor.

We do not live by what is possessed but by what is promised.