I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I'm not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead.

So, what if, instead of thinking about solving you whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.

Every woman wants a man who'll fall in love with her soul as well as her body.

I want someone whose heart is big enough to hold me.

I didn't know love could leave the lights on all the time.

I believe that worrying about a bad thing prepares you for it when it comes. If you worry, the bad thing doesn't hit you as hard. You can roll with the punch if you see it coming.

Wasn’t hitting bottom the thing you had to do to knock some sense into yourself? Wasn’t hitting bottom the thing that showed you which way was up?

I dare you to call Ask-A-Nurse and tell them you feel a presence in your womb region.

I’m sort of… coming off a bad relationship”“When did it end?”“Slightly before it started.

Some people count sheep. I self-loathe.

You looked like the girl I loved.

Reality for me is what I create!

Yeah I got a question: Any more excuses tonight, Roy?

The cleverer I am at miniaturizing the world, the better I possess it.

A man has no more religion than he acts out in his life.

I like a man who smells good. Puts on cologne; lotions his body. It keeps me wanting. I like feeling that way.

I know that I have balls. I have bigger balls than a lot of the men that I meet. I'm just a ballsy motherf - ker. I'm not afraid of pushing boundaries. That's what you have to do to become an icon.

Smokin' at the Half Note is the absolute greatest jazz-guitar album ever made. It is also the record that taught me how to play.

Guess what? Faisal Shahzad is a registered Democrat. I wonder if his SUV had an Obama sticker on it.

Being cheerful keeps you healthy

Sometimes my characters are not myself.